I still remember the day my first relationship ended. It broke my heart so deeply that I told myself I wasn’t going to get involved in another relationship anytime soon. The pain, the emotional toll—it all made me feel like it just wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t ready for more heartbreak.
After that, I started meeting people again, and something surprised me. One girl I met told me she had three or more exes. That alone was shocking, but what really threw me off was how casually she mentioned that she could get into a new relationship within just weeks of breaking up. It hit me hard. Was it really that easy to move from one relationship to another? Was I the odd one out for being heartbroken for so long? It made me feel sad, like I was missing something everyone else seemed to know.
For me, my first breakup wasn’t just painful; it was confusing. Shortly after our breakup, I found out that my ex had started talking to two or more boys. It felt like a punch to the gut. How could she move on so fast while I was still dealing with the heartbreak? And then one day, she asked me if we were ever truly in love. It felt like a slap. Was all that time together meaningless?
I answered her honestly. I told her that, for me, it was all a learning experience. Looking back, maybe we weren’t really in love the way I thought we were. But does that make what I felt any less real? Not to me.
This whole experience left me wondering: why do some people feel so proud of having multiple exes? Why does it seem like a badge of honor to say you’ve had so many relationships?
The Illusion of Coolness
I think, for some people, having many exes gives them a sense of confidence or social status. It’s almost like they wear their relationship history like a trophy. They’ve “been around,” so they must be more experienced, right? But to me, it doesn’t feel that way. Instead of feeling cool, it seems like people are avoiding deeper emotional connections, jumping from one person to the next.
It’s easy to think that the more relationships you’ve been in, the more you understand love, but is that really true? If you’re constantly moving on to the next person, do you ever really stop and learn from each breakup? Or is it just a distraction from facing the emotional impact of those failed relationships?
Society’s Pressure to “Keep Moving”
It’s not just personal; society pushes this idea too. Everywhere you look—on social media, in conversations with friends—there’s a message that having more exes somehow makes you more desirable, more “cool.” People share their dating history like it’s something to be proud of. But I’ve never felt that way. For me, relationships aren’t about the numbers; they’re about the connection, and that’s not something you can just replace easily.
Is It About Validation?
Maybe that’s what it comes down to—validation. The more exes someone has, the more they feel like they’ve been “wanted.” It boosts their ego, making them feel like they’ve got something others want. But I wonder if that’s really fulfilling. Does validation from past relationships fill that void, or is it just masking the insecurity that comes from not having deeper, lasting connections?
When I think about that girl who could easily move on after a breakup, it still makes me feel sad. Not because I judge her, but because I know what it feels like to be deeply hurt by a relationship. Moving on so quickly seems impossible for me. And honestly, I don’t know if I’d want to. It feels like skipping over the chance to really understand yourself, your needs, and what you want from a relationship.
My Takeaway
After everything I’ve experienced, I’ve come to realize that relationships are so much more than just numbers. It doesn’t matter how many exes someone has had; what matters is whether they’ve learned from those experiences and whether they’re ready for something real. For me, it’s not about how many people I’ve been with; it’s about what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown as a person.
So, when people proudly say they’ve had multiple exes, I don’t see it as cool. I see it as a reminder to take my time, to focus on real connections, and to not let societal pressure make me feel like I’m less than because I haven’t been with a lot of people. Relationships aren’t a competition. They’re about understanding ourselves and others, and in that journey, sometimes less really is more.
Why do people think they’re cool for having more exes? Maybe it’s because society tells them it’s something to be proud of. But from my own experience, I know that relationships are personal, and each one is unique. There’s no rush to have a long list of exes—what really matters is how those relationships shape who you become.
