As an introvert, making it through school, college, or university can feel like climbing a mountain. It’s not just about academics; it’s about navigating social interactions, making friends, and managing the mental effort that comes with being around people all day. Trust me, I know how tough it can be—I’ve been there, too. Being a deep introvert, I’ve struggled immensely with making friends. For me, it’s not just about talking to someone; it’s about the mental energy it takes to build and maintain those connections. I want to share my experience and some hacks that have helped me survive and even thrive in these challenging environments.
The Struggle of Making Friends as a Deep Introvert
Making friends is often portrayed as something everyone should want, but for deep introverts like me, it’s not that simple. The idea of making friends can feel exhausting before it even begins. There’s so much to consider:
- Mental Energy: Friendships require time, effort, and mental energy. Every time I think about meeting a new person, I weigh the pros and cons. Will I be able to maintain this friendship? Will it drain me mentally?
- Overthinking the Future: When I meet a stranger, my mind races ahead. I start thinking about what this friendship might look like in the future. Will they expect me to hang out often? Will I have to entertain them, make them laugh, and keep them interested? The pressure can be overwhelming.
- Fear of Being Uninteresting: One of my biggest fears is that I won’t be able to keep the conversation going or make the other person laugh. I worry that they’ll find me boring or uninteresting, and that makes me hesitant to even start a conversation.
- Regret After Sharing: Another big issue is that I tend to regret sharing personal information with people I don’t know well. Sometimes, in the moment, it feels right to open up, but later, I find myself second-guessing whether I should have trusted that person. This makes me even more cautious about who I talk to and what I share.
The Mindset Shift: “Nobody Cares”
Before I started university, I knew I was going to face a lot of challenges. I realized that if I didn’t prepare myself mentally, I’d end up feeling embarrassed or overwhelmed by social interactions, especially with both boys and girls. I knew I had to find a way to manage my anxiety and overthinking.
One day, I came across a concept that changed my perspective: “Nobody Cares.” This simple phrase became a mantra for me. Here’s how it worked:
- Practice Beforehand: Before I even set foot in university, I practiced this mindset. I told myself over and over again that nobody cares about what I say or do as much as I think they do. People are mostly wrapped up in their own lives, and they’ll likely forget about my awkward moments within minutes.
- Remind Yourself in the Moment: Whenever I started to feel nervous or self-conscious, I’d remind myself, “Nobody cares.” This helped quiet the voice in my head that was constantly telling me I was saying something weird or embarrassing.
- Observe and Learn: I noticed that while people might gossip about someone’s clothes or a weird comment, they’d move on quickly. It was a fleeting moment for them, but for the person being talked about, it could feel like the end of the world. By observing this, I learned that these moments of gossip are usually short-lived and not as important as they seem.
The Reality: Yes, Some People Will Judge—But That’s Okay
Even with this mindset shift, I realized that some people will still judge you. They might gossip about something you said or how you dressed. But here’s the thing: it’s not the end of the world. These people are not the ones who truly matter in your life. The ones who judge quickly are often not worth your time or energy.
Here’s the hack: Focus on finding the people who appreciate you for who you are. These are the ones who won’t care if you said something awkward or didn’t make them laugh. They’ll like you for your authenticity and your willingness to be yourself, even if that means being quiet or reserved.
Building Confidence: My Personal Hacks
As an introvert, building confidence in social situations doesn’t happen overnight, but there are some strategies that have worked for me:
- Start Small: Don’t push yourself to make friends with everyone. Focus on one or two people who seem approachable and kind. Small steps lead to bigger ones.
- Prepare Topics in Advance: Before entering a social situation, think of a few topics you’re comfortable talking about. It could be something you’re passionate about, like a hobby or a book you’ve read. This will help you feel more prepared and less anxious about the conversation.
- Accept Imperfection: No conversation is perfect, and that’s okay. Allow yourself to have awkward moments without beating yourself up over them. The more you accept these imperfections, the easier it becomes to move on from them.
- Limit Social Time: Don’t feel pressured to socialize constantly. It’s okay to take breaks and recharge. Find a balance that works for you.
- Focus on Quality Over Quantity: It’s better to have a few deep, meaningful friendships than many superficial ones. Invest your time in people who truly understand and appreciate you.
Final Thoughts: Embrace Who You Are
Being a deep introvert in a social world is challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to embrace who you are. You don’t have to change yourself to fit in. Instead, focus on building confidence, setting boundaries, and finding the right people who value you for who you are. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and with the right mindset and strategies, you can navigate school, college, or university successfully while staying true to yourself.
